We'll weasel out of this one yet
by HexBludger28393
Summary: Fred/George Malfoy and his gang, find two lists of Things I shall not do at Hogwarts, conveniently left lying around by the Hogwarts school Ghosts. Neither group know of the other having a list, but both set off to complete it before the school year is out.


**A List of things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts.**  
[AN: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own any of her works. I am just a fan.]

Every year, after the end-of-term feast and the boarding of students on the Hogwarts Express, the annual assembling of the Hogwarts School Ghosts occurs. (Perhaps it is not by coincidence that we also have all the professors of this fine magical establishment immediately meet in the Three Broomsticks for pint or three of Firewhiskey, the second the last student is safely out of the castle grounds and packed onto the departing train to the ever familiar Platform of nine and three quarters.)

The annual Ghost Council occurs in yet another empty corner classroom, located on the fifth floor -three floors directly above Myrtles bathroom. **[1]** With all the ghosts in attendance, the meeting starts.

"Alright!" Nearly Headless Nick called, and the room fell deathly silent. "I have called you all here for a Ghosts Council, and I am sure you all know the reason."  
"Peeves?" a pensive 4th Floor ghost enquired.  
"Indeed he is an issue, but no." Nick smiled. "The Baron and I have noticed that things are rather dull around the school and we've been having no fun."  
"I suggest we plant some entertaining ideas and watch the students unknowingly follow out the plans." Some vaguely visible ghost called.  
"What plans are they? "asked the resident Kitchens ghost agreeing with her ghostly friend. "Any ideas Baron?"  
"I bet they're boring plans." Moaned, yes, of course, Myrtle.

A rattling thud at the door and a muffled squawk of protest emit from the other side of the stone wall. The ghosts, thanks to some quick thinking and charm work on behalf of the Ravenclaw ghost and Professor Filius Flitwick, respectively, sigh in relief. Peeves – not 'technically' a ghost, is left outside.  
"I commend your wit Helena. That is simply a brilliant idea." Chortled the long-standing History of Magic professor. "Genius!"  
"That's a bit mean spirited." The Hufflepuff Ghost pointed out. "We could let him join in?"  
Binns piped up. "My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves?  
He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost…"  
"I s'pose." He muttered, downcast.  
"And besides, we all remember what happened last year…"  
The ghosts in conversation grimaced. That was something they dearly wished to forget.

The Baron held up a list.  
"Here," he said, tearing the parchment in two. "We place one half in two strategic locations and see who picks them up. I suggest one to be in my House."  
"Can I have one in mine?" the Fat Friar and The Grey Lady chorus simultaneously.  
Nick paused. "Perhaps not then. There is only one half to hide. You can't both have it-"  
Nick cut of Myrtle before she could moan. "-No, you can't have it either."  
"But why?" she protested.  
At this point, numerous ghosts could not help but roll their eyes.  
"Because, Myrtle, you live in a bathroom. A girl's one at that. No, you can't."  
"But-"  
"No, perhaps Professor Binns would like to leave it in his classroom? Professor?"  
"I would be happy to, Baron." Binns replied and took the torn sheet.  
Myrtle burst out in sobs, and zoomed through the stone brick as if it were nothing. **[2]  
**"Well!" said the Friar cheerfully. "That seems like the end of things. I have a corridor to glide along. Good day!"  
The Fat Friar nodded thoughtfully, and then passed through the door on his way to the Hufflepuff dorms. Numerous others followed suit, preferring to be left to their ghostly business in their regular haunts.

In the distance, the unmistakeable wailing of Myrtle and the cackling of Peeves was thankfully fading.  
"Eighteen first-years asked about my neck last Sorting Feast." announces the accurately described Gryffindor Ghost. "Every single one of them gobbled up my story as fast as chicken drumsticks on their plates…must think of something more gory…" he muttered to himself, gliding through a row of rotting desks.  
"Hey Baron!"  
The silvery bloodstains on his robes flashed in the torchlight as the dungeon ghost swooped over to his rival.  
"HOW DARE YOU REFER TO ME LIKE THAT!" he fumed.  
"Oh, no," replied the ghost of scarlet and gold, "I mean no offense to you, fearsome Baron, it is just," Nick paused for emphasis.  
"What is it? Spit it out then!"  
"Well, I need a convincing death story."  
The Baron stroked his non-existent ghostly beard. "Hmm,"  
"Any ideas?" Nick asked hopefully. **[3]**  
"No." The Baron lied. **[4]  
**"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, very." Which, of course the Baron was.  
"Really, really sure?"  
"GAH!" The Baron cried and bolted through the wall in a mad dash to the Dungeons.

And thus, our story begins.

[HR]

**[1]** It was decided that, due to Myrtles continuous moaning about loneliness and being left out, the disgruntled spectres unanimously agreed that the aptly named apparition could choose the most recent venue should this appease and silence her moaning for a blissful second or so.

**[2] **Well, of course it _was_ nothing to her, but one didn't tend to remind her of such things.

**[3]** 'Hopefully' is a plausible term to describe the behaviour, thoughts and ideals of a ghost, but this can only be applied to a select few. These include ones who aren't always morose and moping about the corridors, or certain poltergeist. Accurate to depict ghosts affiliated with both Hufflepuff and Gryffindor as both share the similar trait of loyalty – thusly personified as a 'loyal' retriever/Labrador. These dogs, which as we all know, are steadfast in their hoping, (even if they may be a sandwich short of a picnic.)

**[4]** You can tell he was lying. The Baron has very good, violent and bloody death stories. Just take a look at his ghostly robes. Plus, he would rather avoid the continuous company of his ghostly house rival.

[AN: A bit of trivia – see if you can find the quote from Philosopher's Stone (Chapt. 7)]


End file.
